RJ the destroyer

RJ loves trying to break my ankles part deux!

Ive been getting sleep paralysis so often now that im starting to think about death a lot to where i would not be able to wake myself out of that state and like get a stroke or something. It is not the painful process that i worry about its morely of being forgotten eventually from your friends and family. One day your like the main topic and then probably a month later your existance is just not quite there anymore. I wish i could do something that will capture everyones heart that they will forever remember me by or be the guy that actually saves someones life or changing someones life around for the better.

Today happened to be one of those mornings where I have woken up and just realized that i have not accomplished anything. I thought i would have made it somewhere by the time that I hit 24 but at this rate right now i don't even think that its possible. Yesterday showed me that time has definitely not been on my side which brings me to this... time to start taking things a bit more serious and lay away from the bad habits that have been partaking my life the last couple weeks, go out and look for another job since summer really sucks with out like having the money to spend. As my father would always quoted all the time remember "no money no honey!" but growing up seeing how money was a big issue for my parents and pretty much what split them apart i saw it being "mo money mo problems" for the time being. I kinda cant wait until the fall quarter to start along as well just to get through with things. I think what hits me harder on this is seeing some people already chasing their dreams while you just sit here still dreaming and i do not want to make this as real as it gets for the rest of my life.

the sound of vibration in between your word makes me want to succeed and do better after everything I've heard

oddly this is what I remember im sitting at a table smoking a cigarette and I look over to the left side of me and then I turn away and some reason I start choking on something and then I wake up and im really choking and trying to catch my breath and yet my heart is still racing now while I am typing this on my phone T.T

you are the earth beneath my feet you are my gravity

week one of school has been a success but now i just need to work on a fixed sleeping schedule cause i cant be up like this all the time along with sleeping through the whole afternoon into keeping me up all night too... yesterday i was like haunted by my great america past. i came across this girl i worked with at great america which was my supervisor that i ended up being a supervisor with and then we went to a friends house to drink and then this girl recognized me from somewhere and i asked her which high shcool she went to and i asked what high school she went to. which ended up being yerba beuna and the only person i knew that went there was vicky and she was just got up and was like OHHH you use to go out with her right yeah i heard her talk about you alot before T_T anyways i must go to sleep and wake up for school in 2 hours

silence is golden

silence is not the best sound i have ever heard its the only thing that is best to describe your reaction from my every word. i wish you would scream out my name when i walk through the door as you crush my heart on the living room floor... i don't remember what color my eyes were if i would have known your name would crush me i would never have learned to speak it but now its all i have to discern you from other people and i wrote it into a poem so we'll never know who's really equal.

another early day to start. went to dave and busters and saw someone that i would have never expected to see but all i get after years is just a hello nothing more. we use to be the best of friends until you let your life get manipulated into a reality tv life then you became a whole new person. times to get ready to drive to school pick up my books and then straight to work

shine on diamond eyes

i have destroyed another set of ear phones which is gonna hold me back from like hiking and jogging but yet again the weather has been pretty shitty but what do you expect from april and the allergies are finally starting to take a toll on me. im a sneezing machine now. this is what i get for making fun of someone for allergies